Review:
Quiet, by Susan Cain
| Publisher: |
Crown |
| Copyright: |
2012 |
| ISBN: |
0-307-45220-4 |
| Format: |
Kindle |
| Pages: |
263 |
I've always been an introvert. This is something that surprises some
people when they first meet me since they equate introversion with
shyness, and I'm not at all shy. It surprises others because I'm quite
vocal and outspoken in meetings, but introversion also doesn't imply a
lack of self-confidence. I can run meetings, give presentations, and
argue my perspective in front of just about anyone, but I don't like
parties, I crave time by myself, and I could happily go for weeks without
seeing another human being. I'm an introvert because I find people
draining rather than invigorating, written communication far easier and
more comfortable than spoken, and superficial social contact more
irritating and frustrating than enjoyable.
If you think think that means there may be something wrong with me, or
that I would be happier if "drawn out of my shell," I wish you would read
this book. But I suspect its core audience will be people like me: those
who are tired of being pushed to conform with extrovert beliefs about
social interaction, those who are deeply disgusted by the word
"antisocial" or feel pangs of irrational guilt when hearing it, or those
who just want to read an examination of interpersonal interactions that,
for once, is written by and about people who like quiet and solitude just
like they do.
I first encountered Susan Cain via her
TED talk, which I think is both the best possible summary of this book
and the best advertisement for it. If you've not already seen it, watch
it; it's one of the best TED talks I've seen, good enough that I've
watched it three times. If you then want more of the same, buy
Quiet.
Quiet has, I think, three messages. First, it's a tour of the
science: what is introversion and extroversion? Is there evidence that
these are real physiological differences? (Spoiler: yes.) What do we
know about introversion? How do we know those things what experiments
have been done and what methods have been used? Here, it's a good general
introduction, although Cain is careful to point out that it only scratches
the surface and there's much more scientific depth. For example, she
touches on the connections between introversion and sensitivity to
stimulus and points out that they're two separate, if related,
categorizations, but doesn't have the space here to clarify the
distinctions and tease them apart. But she lays a reasonable foundation,
particularly in defense of introversion as a natural, physiologically
grounded, scientifically analyzable, common, and healthy way of
interacting with the world.
(For those who are curious about the distinctions between introversion and
sensitivity, and the argument that most of what Cain says here about
introversion is actually about sensitivity, see the
blog post by Elaine Aron.)
The second message, the one that resonated with me the most, was Cain's
passionate defense of introversion. Business culture (at least in the
United States, which is what both Cain and I know) is strongly biased
towards extroversion; at least faking extroversion seems to be required
for some career advancement. Extrovert culture dominates politics and
most public discourse. It's common to find people who consider
introversion, particularly in children, to be a sign of unhappiness, poor
social adjustment, psychological problems, or other issues that should be
"cured" or changed.
Cain's gentle but firm passion in defense of introversion is a breath of
fresh air. She attacks open plan offices, the current obsession with
group learning and social school settings, and the modern group-think bias
towards collaboration over solitude and concentration, and she does that
with a combination of polite frustration and the conclusions of multiple
studies. Introverts will be cheering as she constructs solid arguments
and musters evidence against things that we've always found miserable and
then been told we were wrong, short-sighted, or socially inept for finding
miserable. I am so utterly on her side in this argument that I have no
way of knowing how persuasive it will be, but it's lovely just to hear
someone put into words what I feel.
This defense does skew the book.
Quiet is not, and does not
purport to be, an even-handed presentation of introversion and
extroversion. It's written proudly and unabashedly from the introvert's
point of view. I'm fine with that: I, like Cain, think the US is
saturated in extrovert perspectives and extrovert advice, particularly in
the business world, and could use some balancing by activism from the
other perspective. But be aware that this is not the book to look to for
an objective study of all angles of the introvert/extrovert dichotomy, and
I'm not sure her descriptions of extroversion are entirely fair or
analogous to those of introversion. The extroversion described here seems
somewhat extreme to me. I'm dubious how many extroverts would recognize
themselves in it, which partly undermines the argument.
The third message of the book, once Cain has won the introvert's heart, is
some advice on how to be a proud introvert, to make the space and find the
quiet that one desires, and to balance that against places where one may
want and need to act like an extrovert for a while. Cain thankfully does
not try to make this too much of the book, nor does she hold up any
particular approach as The Answer. All the answers are going to be
individual. But she does offer some food for thought, particularly around
how to be conscious of and make delibrate choices about one's energy
expenditures and one's recharge space. She also captures beautifully
something that I've not seen explained this well before: the relief that
an introvert can feel in the company of an extrovert who helps navigate
social situations, make conversation, and keep discussions going until
they can reach the depth and comfort level where the introvert can engage.
I wish anyone in a position of authority over social situations would read
this book, or at least watch the TED talk and be aware of the issues.
Particularly managers, since (at least in my relatively limited
experience) workplace culture is so far skewed towards extroversion that
it can be toxic to introverts. Many of the techniques used by extrovert
managers, and the goals and advice they give their employees, are simply
wrong for introverts, and even damaging. Cain speaks well to the
difficulties of empathy between people with very different interaction
preferences, such as the problems with extroverts trying to "draw out"
introverts who have hit social overload (or sensitive people who have hit
stimulus overload). She also discusses something that I'd previously not
thought about, namely how the pressure towards extroversion leads people
to act extroverted even when naturally introverted, and how it's therefore
very difficult to tell from behavior (and sometimes even to tell
internally!) what one's natural interaction style is.
But mostly I recommend this book if you're an introvert, if the TED talk
linked above speaks to you. Even if we can't convince the world to
respect introversion more, or at least stop treating it as abnormal, it's
a lovely feeling to read a book from someone who gets it. Who
understands. Who fills a book with great stories about introverts and how
they construct their worlds and create quiet space in which to be
themselves.
Rating: 9 out of 10